I was excited to leave college and felt that I was more than ready to head in to the great unknown. I was sick of school, or at least my breath or “general education” classes, and was ready to test my mettle in the film industry. I was shopping my screenplay to both investors and studios with the hope that I could jump immediately into doing what I wanted, opposed to starting from the bottom of the food chain, or having to work a non-film related job to make ends meet. I failed. Studios passed on my script and nobody wanted to fork over a couple hundred thousand dollars to help me achieve my dream. For a couple more years, I kept on trucking; I tweaked my scripts, I wrote a sitcom pilot, but nothing came to fruition. Eventually, I decided I needed a break from screenwriting and I decided to start a blog. That temporary break has since become sort of indefinite.
I was absolutely over-confident that my writing was going to immediately take me somewhere. I wasn’t thinking about fame and fortune necessarily, but I was definitely hoping to do something I felt I was passionate and skilled to do. It took me a few years to get over the “if I don’t write for a living, my soul is dying” attitude and while I have definitely not given up on writing, I am more willing to enjoy “the ride” opposed to trying to dictate where I’m going. I’ve been humbled, so if I ever get the opportunity to write for film/TV, I’m a lot more willing to work on projects that I might’ve deemed beneath me in the past. To show my commitment to writing, I’m going to give Joel Schumacher some advice for if/when he ever decides to make a reboot of the critical and box office failure, Batman and Robin.
(Disclaimer: I, in no way am advocating that Christopher Nolan relinquish the rights to the Batman franchise.)
Batman and Robin currently holds a 12% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, far below the 84% rating of Batman Begins and the 94% rating of The Dark Knight, so logically it would be foolish to take the franchise away from Christopher Nolan (the director of the latter two) and give the franchise back to Joel Schumacher (who basically burned the franchise down to the ground, his first Batman movie, Batman Forever clocks in at a paltry 42%, Tim Burton’s films are rated at 70% or higher), but Hollywood is not always known for making sound rational decisions, so while we all await whatever Christopher Nolan is cooking up for his 3rd Bataman movie, there is a minute chance that somehow Joel Schumacher will somehow end up with the franchise again. I’m not hoping for it, but if it does happen, let me help the man out.
First of all, lets keep Bruce Wayne/Batman as is. Christian Bale is a fine actor and while he might be a rage-aholic, that fits Bruce Wayne like a glove. Also, I don’t think George Clooney will give it a second shot after all the ridicule he received after the first go around. Second of all, lets simplify things. While there were many things wrong (and many of those things are probably unfixable) with Batman and Robin, lets simplify things story-wise. Introducing 2 new villains and Bat Girl all in one film is too much, and since Nolan hasn’t (and may never) introduce(d) Robin, we have quite a conundrum. In short, my advice is to: allude to the introduction or Barbara Gordon as Bat Girl for a future movie, introduce Robin in some more updated fashion (not the child of circus acrobats who tragically died performing a stunt), and pick two villains that are just around to wreak havoc.
The two villains that would be perfect for this would be The Penguin and Mr. Freeze, and they should be played by the original actors, Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. The two have a natural chemistry from their time together in the movie Twins (which I’m guessing will eventually be given a reboot, might as well kill 2 birds with one stone with this reboot) and their recent fame could be used to help promote the film. Opposed to making the Penguin into a cartoony villain, DeVito could just reprise his character from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, except he could be more decrepit and sinister (if that’s possible). Arnold, on the other hand, could make his usual set of one liners, but now that he’s just finished a term as governor, he could make his one-liners politically topical such as: “My heart is colder than the hiring freeze for California public schools.”
Once again, I would recommend that there be as little origin story for these two as possible. Mr. Freeze doesn’t need to be pining after his wife. He can just be the product of some botched experiment and there needs to be very little explanation of why he and the Penguin are trying to destroy Gotham. Skip the sentimentality and just let the duo find new ways to enrage Batman. (And rage is Christian Bale’s forte, as I’m sure McG will confirm.) Have the Penguin and Mr. Freeze run around like an evil Dukes of Hazzard and have Batman try to stop them. Heck, you can even have Dennis, Charlie and Mac be the henchmen for the Penguin and they can all plan their capers in a bar for all I care. If you want them to kidnap Rachel Dawes, at some point, so be it, though I don’t think she’s necessary in this film.
I’m sure there will be complaints that the film is too male-centric and pumped full of testosterone and that there’s not enough of a female presence, but since Arnold Schwarzenegger is the film, I’m sure that’s why people have come to expect and love about the guy. I’m sure critics will deride the film for being pointless… and for being made by Joel Schumacher, but I think I’ve proven to myself that I’ll be able to put my ego aside if a writing opportunity came up in the future. While the script may not be very good, at least I’ve had a lot of fun with it, and that’s what’s I’ve been hoping for: not fame or fortune, but being able to do something that I love.